


deep sea boy (i want to know more)

by daisy (midnightbutlers)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Ryuseitai Found Family, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide Attempt, kind of ooc kanata, vague chiakana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28958280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightbutlers/pseuds/daisy
Summary: “shinkai senpai!” his eyes shot open, instantly recognising the owner of that voice, holding him in their warm arms, “g-guys, i think he’s awake!”kanata begins to drift away. ryuseitai are there to pull him back to the shore and to the home where he belongs.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	deep sea boy (i want to know more)

**Author's Note:**

> this doesn't really follow kanata's canon mindset but i wanted to write it anyway  
> takes place during ! timeline
> 
> please heed the tags

“are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home kanata? i really don’t mind, you know that.”

kanata shook his head, gentle smile gracing his features. “i will be fine chiaki. have ‘fun’ with your club, okay?” chiaki returned his smile, waving him off as a result. he was going to be late to basketball club by this point, but chiaki didn’t seem like he minded too much. the two of them parted ways at the fountain, kanata watching chiaki run off into the distance until he couldn’t see him anymore. 

he was all alone now.

kanata let out a sigh. he didn’t want to head back home truthfully speaking. yumenosaki was a small refuge for him, a few hours of freedom from a house he could barely call a home. kanata didn’t think he was the type to hate much, but after experiencing what life was _away_ from all of that, hate seemed like the right word. 

usually he’d put off the inevitable for as long as he possibly could. maybe he could go to the marine club room to see the fishies, hope souma and (if he decided to show up) kaoru would be there, or go and find one of the other five oddballs and pester them for a while, or just lay back and float in the school fountain as usual. mhm, all of those sounded like good options right about now. 

he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. kanata pulled it out hesitantly, turning it on and skimming over the message. it was an unknown number, but all he needed to see was the beginning of the message _”to you, our god”_ to know who it was. 

kanata didn’t think twice before throwing his phone into the fountain. useless thing. he didn’t need it anyway.

he needed a soak. 

kanata let his legs carry him out of yumenosaki, ignorant to his surroundings. his mind hadn’t quite gathered where he was going, but his body surely knew. 

he found himself on the beach, his steps making a crunch noise whenever his school shoes met the sand.

he missed the ocean. 

it was the one place that’d had his back since he was a child. he didn’t have to think about all of his schooling, those stupid rituals, adults in robes on their knees begging him for wishes beyond his wildest dreams, the scoldings and shoutings that would come when he couldn’t fulfill those wishes-

he didn’t have to think about it here. a smile found itself on kanata’s face as he let the water engulf him. it splashed over his face before encompassing every part of him in seconds. he let himself drift beneath the water. 

how long could he stay like this, he wondered? the last time he did this, chiaki had retrieved him shortly after. he swore to protect chiaki’s dream, didn’t he? kanata liked to think he’d done that already. the kids too, they were all protecting and honing the dream with him. 

he didn’t know much about heroes to be honest. anything and everything he knew was through chiaki’s extensive knowledge on the matter, the brunette eager to teach him the moment he agreed to join ryuseitai. he couldn’t say no, chiaki being the first person he could truly call a _friend_.

it wasn’t as if he fit in though. he watched his other four oddballs all pick up the pieces of themselves cruelly cast away by a war none of them deserved to be apart of, yet stood back himself not quite knowing what to do with himself. he’d been pulled to ryuseitai and made to play the part of ryusei blue, yet he still largely had no actual idea who exactly shinkai kanata was supposed to be. a god? an idol? a child too young to comprehend the major roles thrusted upon him in life? he supposed it didn’t matter. shinkai kanata was not human, regardless of how you looked at it. what worth was there analysing it when in the end, nobody could understand him, not even himself.

did it matter what happened to him? he was just returning home, after all. to the place that kept him grounded and safe, the ocean, kanata was simply becoming one with the only place he knew.

that question was answered for him quickly enough, several hands pulling him upwards and out of the waves.

he couldn’t breathe. that was the first thing he came to realise as he was pulled onto the shores on the beach. he found himself coughing and spluttering as he was laid down. it was rather unsightly. had he been away from the water enough that it had started to reject him? he could’ve laughed. maybe there wasn’t a home for kanata to return to at all.

“shinkai senpai!” his eyes shot open, instantly recognising the owner of that voice, holding him in their warm arms, “g-guys, i think he’s awake!” he was greeted with tetora’s face inches away from his, bright amber eyes filled with a degree of fear kanata had never seen the child with before.

"he is…?" seconds later, midori and shinobu joined ryusei black, with the former muttering to tetora something about giving kanata room to breathe. 

the heaviness in his chest remained, but it wasn't being caused by the water in his lungs anymore. the unease that he'd always done his best to lock inside, unbecoming of a god such as himself, if that even meant anything anymore, had taken over. 

he didn't have to say anything. his juniors were staring at him with a mixture of expressions: tetora's eyes were full of concern, refusing to relinquish the hold he had on kanata's upper body. midori's gaze was one of uncertainty, choosing to crouch beside tetora but still stay close. shinobu looked close to tears, shaking like a leaf as his eyes darted between ryusei blue and ryusei black.

"shinkai-senpai?" tetora's voice was quieter now, more cautious. kanata couldn't say he understood why.

"hello. i didn't ‘expect’ you three at the 'ocean' today." he offered a smile, not having it returned by the black haired boy. if anything, he grew visibly more concerned.

midori stepped in, “we didn’t intend to. we just...thought you were acting weird at school with the whole _phone in the fountain thing_ and f-followed you here.” the kids had watched him do that? funny. he didn’t realise at all. they’d managed to follow him here undetected. he would’ve sat up, patted their heads and called them good, perceptive boys, but tetora’s grip entirely thwarted that thought.

“senpai i... _we_ care about you a lot. you know that, right?” 

kanata blinked, not entirely understanding why tetora was telling him this, “yes? i ‘care’ about you all too.” that clearly wasn’t the answer the first year wanted, face scrunching up in a mixture of worry and exhaustion.

“but then _why?_ why would you…” he sighed, looking towards midori and shinobu for help. tetora didn’t seem to trust himself enough to continue.

“...do you really want to die that badly, shinkai-senpai?” from his side, shinobu finally spoke up. ryusei yellow’s voice was quiet, still shaky in disbelief. 

“i was not trying to ‘die’, shinobu. i think you’re all ‘mistaken.’” 

“then _what._ ” tetora’s concern had been replaced with something kanata hated to see on the children: _hurt_ , “what were you trying to do, drowning yourself senpai?!” angry tears threatened to spill over, the hold he had kanata in beginning to shudder and shake. “you were gonna kill yourself just like that w-without saying a thing?! what...what would we do _without_ you? i-” tetora was silenced by a hand on his shoulder. ryusei green was giving him a look that spoke a thousand words, and tetora knew when his emotions were taking over a little too much. he mumbled out an apology. 

a silence washed over the group. kanata wanted to defend himself further, reassure the kids that he was fine, he wasn’t trying to do something like throw his life away, but the words died in his throat. 

"...maybe it's best to get away from the beach, de gozaru." shinobu pushed, earning a small nod in agreement from tetora. midori was already on his phone, seemingly typing something out. 

“i texted morisawa-senpai. he says we can let ourselves into his house and that he’ll be over soon.” oh dear. even after he'd let chiaki go to his club, the brunette was having to come back and save him again. 

chiaki seemed to have a habit of doing that, didn't he? now the kids were catching onto it too. wasn't that funny?

"senpai?" his train of thought was paused by tetora, "are...can...do you need any of us to carry you?" he was unsure of his own words, previous frustration swallowed down for the sake of preserving what little peace remained in their conversation.

he shot the black haired boy a questioning look, "yes? i am fine, tetora. we are 'going' to chiaki's, right?" he received an awkward nod in response. that was fine by him, he supposed. a part of him yearned to be with the ocean again, the other part of him felt sick to his stomach. he tried not to think about why that was.

kanata let tetora pull him to his feet, ryusei black’s warm hand meeting his cold one. his own uniform was soaking as per usual, tetora mumbling something about changing at taichou’s to himself. 

“...let’s go, guys.” he spoke, midori and shinobu both joining at kanata’s side in moments. kanata had no objections, allowing the kids to guide him off of the beach. biding the ocean farewell made him feel uneasy but he doubted he had a choice - he supposed it had rejected him anyway, considering how long he’d spent away from it.

they walked in silence. no one dared to break it.

❤ 💙 🖤 💚 💛

chiaki's home was as comfortable as ever. 

it was the kind of place he'd grown up reading about in the picture books madara snuck to him as kids: a normal house. no servants, no worshippers, no need to constantly watch over your shoulder because any and _all_ mistakes were seen and taken into account.

he felt nervous the first few times coming here, though he'd never admit that to chiaki. it almost felt like he was waiting for someone to pop out and drag him away the first opportunity they caught him slipping. in reality, chiaki had barely noticed. if he'd realised the blue haired boy's change in demeanour, he'd never brought it up.

his parents were nice too. speaking of them-

"PARDON THE INTRUSION, RYUSEITAI ARE ENTERING THE BUILDING!"

"n-nobody's home tetora-kun. morisawa-senpai's parents are away on some kinda trip, remember?" tetora's mouth formed into a little "o" before he smiled sheepishly. he apologised quietly, instead choosing to lead the group up to chiaki's bedroom. 

hero sentai posters, various pictures of ryuseitai streamed across the walls, action figures posed in _very_ specific groups - the room practically _screamed_ chiaki moriasawa. it was as colorful and full of life as the man himself.

"...right. you can change into this senpai. i'm gonna go downstairs to phone taichou. shinobu-kun, come with me?" shinobu nodded at tetora's orders, "midori-kun, watch over him. _please._ " 

did he need watching over now? it was weird. he should've been used to the scrutinising eyes and judgement. the shinkai clan had trained him well enough, and he was one of the _five oddballs_ , for gods sake. 

still, he didn't have it in him to fight it. midori looked shocked at the task given to him, but he didn't refuse. he simply let out an "okay" as his fellow first years stalked out the room. 

he locked eyes with midori for a brief second. it wasn't long enough for him to ascertain the expression on his face, ryusei green mumbling out a "i-i'll give you some privacy, sorry" as he turned around. it wasn't like he cared much. he shuffled out of his wet uniform anyways, not wanting to distress the kids any further.

chiaki's clothes were warm. 

they were thankfully close enough in height that they fit without trouble. he doubted it suited him to wear hero pyjamas like this, bright colors feeling funny to his eyes at the moment, but he liked how they felt on him.

"midori~" he hummed, "i am finished. you may 'look' now."

midori did just that, turning around and locking eyes with him once again. the wince he tried to hide when he glanced at his new outfit seemed to show his agreement at the pyjamas not suiting him, but he didn't say anything further. instead midori joined kanata on chiaki's bed, colorful sheets dipping as he sat beside him.

there was more silence.

it reminded him a little of when the kids first joined ryuseitai. back then, they all thought of him as a monster, didn’t they? well, it wasn’t like they were wrong. if anything, he understood their previous sentiment more than anything right now. the _ocean_ didn’t even want him anymore. he’d definitely become a monster, more so than before.

“shinkai-senpai.” he turned to midori, the brunette looking at him sheepishly, “s-sorry. i know the last thing you want is a lecture from _me_ of all people but…” he paused, seemingly thinking long and hard about his words, hands fiddling with the sleeves of his uniform. 

“i get it, how you feel...a little.” 

kanata stared quizzically at his junior. midori wasn’t a monster like him, far from it. ryusei green was full of care and love, hidden behind an awkward demeanor and half-assed complaints. 

"i've always been sort of, _unhappy_ , i guess. everyone's striving for their own happiness but here i am, not knowing what to do myself...that kind of thing. i've always felt like that, but when i joined ryuseitai and saw how passionate you all were...in a way, i felt worse." 

he knew that. the kids were all like an open-book to him. 

"seeing you all actually _want_ this idol thing so badly, it's like i'm intruding on that. i had no intentions of doing this sort of thing yet i'm here just intruding on your dreams…" midori paused, looking away from kanata as he continued, "sometimes i think it'd be better for me to leave you all then. disappearing and dying off somewhere so you can all continue being a better ryuseitai." he kept his gaze trained on one of chiaki's posters, not wanting to see his senpai's expression. 

midori chuckled awkwardly, voice lowering as he muttered out, “i suppose that’s why they left me here with you, like i could get through to you or something.” kanata could only stare at him, hands threatening to shake the more he mulled over ryusei green’s confession. in the past, he’d offer midori a comforting pat on the head, maybe try and cheer him up whenever he got visibly depressed mid-practice. he couldn’t do that now. even if a part of him was screaming to reach out, plaster on a smile and lull him into a sense of comfort, he just _couldn’t_ do it.

he didn’t want to die, did he?

kanata just wanted to return home, drift away from anything and everything. 

...it sounded worse when he put it like that.

"i wouldn't want midori to disappear." was the only thing he could say, tone of voice betraying his usual aloof disposition. 

midori finally turned back to lock eyes with him, ghost of a smile on the brunette's face, "i know that senpai. you all want me here in ryuseitai...even if it's sort of frustrating at times." he paused for a moment, thinking about how to best phrase his next words, “we want you here too, shinkai-senpai. i...couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. neither could the others so...it might be difficult, and feel _unbelievably_ sucky, please stay with us?” midori’s voice was small as he asked, peering nervously at kanata.

he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. 

his hands began to tremble. midori looked like he was about to say something else, though he was promptly stopped by the bedroom door opening back up.

“ryusei red entering the room!” chiaki’s head peered around the door, smiling brightly as always, “kanata, takamine! i hope i’m not interrupting anything…?” 

midori shook his head, beginning to stand up, “we just finished talking, i think. umm…”

“nagumo and sengoku are downstairs.” he finished midori’s thought for him, receiving a thankful gaze in response. ryusei green mumbled out an “i’ll leave you guys alone” before jetting out the room. chiaki chuckled as he closed the door behind him, gentle click filling the room’s emptiness.

it was just the two of them now, alone.

chiaki’s gaze softened the moment his eyes met kanata’s. he joined him on the bed, and it was only then ryusei blue got a good look at their unit leader. he must've ran here, kanata could tell, his school shirt buttoned up sloppily. basketball club wasn't even over when the kids must've called him.

"kanata." he blinked, "do you want to talk about it?"

"there is nothing to talk about, chiaki~" he smiled back, "i was simply 'returning' to the sea where i 'belong.' you all do not need to be so worried." 

chiaki's smile remained, but it was painfully fake and full of sadness, "you said that to me when we first met too, but it's not the same thing, is it?"

"what do you mean by that?" 

"you _were_ just enjoying the ocean back then." his gaze faltered, "this is different though, i know you. talk to me, kanata?"

seeing the sincerity in chiaki’s eyes, kanata could feel himself faltering too. 

“like i said, i was ‘returning’ to the ocean.” he repeated, “‘living’ on land can be ‘tiring’ so, i went back where i ‘belong.’”

“tiring?” his smile fell, expression full of concern now. he nodded slowly, repeating the word in a similar manner.

“‘tiring’, yes. ‘everything’ is, so...i wanted to go ‘back’ to the ocean.” he fumbled his words out, cringing internally at how they sounded on his tongue. _pathetic_ he could hear the voice in his head sneering at him. if his brain wasn’t so insistent that the person sitting with him right now was indeed chiaki, _his_ chiaki, he’d probably have bowed in apology, readying for whatever would come afterwards.

chiaki took his words in, seemingly trying to think of how to approach his next question. kanata felt his grip on chiaki’s sheets tighten, his body feeling uncomfortably hot in chiaki’s pajamas. 

“i see.” he started off, “kanata, i do need to ask - were you consciously trying to drown yourself in the ocean today?” kanata’s first instinct was to shake his head - of course not. he wouldn’t do that. he was simply in the ocean because that was where a person like him was best suited, right? 

then he thought about chiaki’s question again.

_consciously._

he could easily say no to that. kanata wasn’t, had never been a person who wished to die. even as a child, knees bruised from punishments he couldn’t quite comprehend the reasons behind, the thought that he _had_ to stay alive always rang true in his mind. he was a god to many, and to let them down in such a way was a sin he’d certainly suffer for. 

he wasn’t a god anymore though...was he. 

chiaki was the one that had taught him that, taking his hand and guiding him away from the water. he’d reached his hand out and told him _”it’s okay for you to live”_ , showing him what it truly meant to be an idol and a hero. the words of his followers calling out to him as a god meant nothing to him anymore, serving more as a burden to him than anything.

was chiaki in the wrong for taking him away from the ocean? no, it would be wrong to blame chiaki. it was his own fault for thinking he could be as human as everyone else...wasn’t it?

_trying to return home-_ what did that even mean? it’d made sense when he’d said it before, drifting in the ocean where the _knew_ he belonged, but thinking about it now he was having to lay himself somewhat bare, it sounded bad. 

he thought about what midori had confessed to him, and all of those feelings about being a _burden to ryuseitai._ the brunette wasn’t, of course, although as he spoke honestly to kanata, ryusei blue couldn’t say those feelings were foreign to him at all. feeling like an outsider whilst watching the rest of his unit mates flourished as the good people they’d always been was something he’d gotten used to. a monster like him did not deserve to stand in such untainted light.

he didn't want to die. he wanted to _disappear_ , even if for a little while.

...was there any difference? the expressions of tetora, midori and shinobu when they were on the beach flashed in his mind. those looks of hurt, sadness and anger even when he tried to explain himself. shinobu's look of pure fear, the way tetora _refused_ to let go of him on the journey to chiaki's, the decision to have midori talk to him- 

it clicked in him. dread filled up his chest, an acknowledgement of his own mortality that he’d tried to rid the world of that day, even if he himself hadn’t been entirely aware of it then. his body had acted on an impulse he’d been refusing to even properly fester in his mind until it was too late.

“i wasn’t. not ‘consciously.’” he spoke quietly, watching chiaki understand the unspoken realisation of what he was trying to imply with that. chiaki studied his face for a few seconds, unsure of whether he should press any further. in the end, he must’ve decided not to, seeing how uncharacteristically uncomfortable kanata already was at this point. instead, he moved his attention onto his other point of concern.

“i tried to phone you earlier, after midori contacted me. the kids...they said you threw it away. was there a reason for that?” chiaki tilted his head, waiting patiently for kanata to respond.

“...a message, from my family.” it felt wrong to call them that, since it was probably from one of their followers instead, but he’d been instructed to call them _family_ , “that is why i threw my phone in the fountain.” 

he didn’t have to expand on the matter. chiaki seemed to understand wholeheartedly, having first-hand experience with the shinkai cult. the brunette simply nodded, lips pursed in a line. “you wanted to get away from them?” kanata lowered his head, an awkward nod in approval. he felt so vulnerable like this, even if it was in front of chiaki.

“oh kanata.” he shuffled closer to ryusei blue, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, “i’m sorry for not realising how you felt sooner.” chiaki had always been a crybaby, desperately wanting to hide his sadness from his juniors (though failing miserably at times) but this time, things were different. his brown eyes were filled with tears, yet he didn’t let any spill over, expression serious as he stared back at kanata. 

"i can’t say that i understand everything about the shinkai cult, so i won’t.” chiaki spoke, “ _but_ , i can tell you that your home isn’t the ocean, not anymore. you belong on land kanata, here.”

he frowned, feeling his knuckles turn white as he gripped chiaki’s bedsheets, “you don’t understand. the only place i have ever ‘belonged’, where people want this me is the ocean.” it felt pathetic to admit it aloud for the first time, but once he started, kanata couldn’t help his mouth from overflowing, “where else do i have to go?”

it was chiaki’s turn to frown this time, eyes narrowing with an emotion kanata couldn’t quite pinpoint, “you belong _here_ , kanata, with _us_. you’ve always, _always_ been able to come to us. a house isn’t always a home, but it doesn’t need to be. can you not find a home in ryuseitai?”

the question stung. it wasn’t something he’d ever considered, monster that he was and innocent, good boys the rest of ryuseitai continued to be.

“you’re an important part of ryuseitai, kanata. i don’t know if you’ve realised it yet but i _love_ you. so do the kids. they phoned me in such a panic _because_ of how much they love you. we wouldn’t be us without you in our lives.” chiaki continued, voice unwavering, “you’re our precious ryusei blue, after all.”

“but…” the words came out before he had the chance to think about it. chiaki quirked his head up, patiently waiting for kanata to say his piece. the blue haired boy’s mind had gone blank. he brought his head to chiaki’s shoulder, resting it there - without saying anything, chiaki understood. he ran his hand through the other boy’s hair, muttering out a _”it’s okay.”_

“you’re amazing, you know. not as one of the eccentrics, but as _you_.” he spoke quieter, moment between them becoming much more intimate than it had started off with, “there’s a lot you don’t give yourself enough credit for. more than just being a super idol, you’re a very calming presence to us all. a very important one, at that.”

he cracked a smile despite himself, “it does not seem like it.”

chiaki let out a small hum in response, “it doesn’t to you, but that doesn’t change anything for the rest of us. you’re important to us as ryuseitai...hakaze and that kid from akatsuki too, aren’t you in a club with them?” the mention of kaoru and souma had him caving in on himself in chiaki’s hold a little. the marine club meant a lot to him too, spending as many after school hours as he was allowed to there. kaoru and souma being with him...they were also very good people. they cared about the fishes just as much as he did too - he appreciated that. 

“we care about you just as much as you care about us. you’re ryusei blue kanata, a _hero!_ ” he grinned, childlike innocence so very _chiaki-like_ that the ghost of a sincere smile made its way onto kanata’s face. he didn’t feel like much of a hero, but everything chiaki said felt so _real_ to him. the brunette was never in the business of lying to people so he knew every word he was saying was his true feelings, yet…

kanata averted his eyes downcast, “is it okay though?” chiaki tilted his head in confusion, prompting for him to go on, “i do not ‘belong’ with you all. ‘someone’ like me is not ‘human’ to begin with. do i not ‘taint’ the rest of you?”

chiaki’s frown returned as he shifted their positions, sitting cross-legged on his bed. kanata did the same, the two of them facing each other. he couldn’t say he understood the sudden change until chiaki clasped kanata’s hands in his, staring at him with conviction he hadn’t seen since they were both second years, on that fateful stage together.

“do you feel that, kanata? we’re holding hands right now.” he blinked quizzically at him, “my hands are warm, and so are yours. we’re the same, aren’t we?”

he shook his head, “my hands are ‘rather’ cold, are they not?”

“they were before, but they’ve warmed up. see?” chiaki gave his hands a small squeeze to accentuate his point, “you’ve been inside long enough that they’re warm again, just like mine. us touching now certainly isn’t hurting me. it hasn’t in the past.”

he glanced down at their hands, noting how strong chiaki’s grasp was. ryusei red was without any tremors, speaking confidently from his heart. 

“kanata, look at me.” he did so, “there’s nothing different about you and i. the reason we can touch like this is _because_ you and i are the same!”

“but we are ‘not’ the ‘same.’ chiaki, i am ‘not’ like you.”

“why aren’t you? because you’re some sort of /monster?/” he gave a small nod, wincing at the way chiaki frowned, “hardly. i’ve just shown you how similar we are as humans! what makes you so different from me, kanata?”

“i cannot be a ‘human’ like you. i...have ‘always’ been a ‘monster.’ it is all i have ever ‘known.’” 

chiaki seemed to be considering his words for a moment, muttering a quiet, “so it’s like that, huh…” to himself before meeting kanata’s gaze again, “has the shinkai cult always treated you like a god?”

he nodded, “not a ‘god’, but _their_ ‘god.’”

“it’s suffocating at times, isn’t it?” another nod, “do we make you feel suffocated like that too, kanata?” he shook his head at that one, almost offended at the thought. 

“not at all. i am ‘happy’ when i am with ‘ryuseitai.’” chiaki smiled at that, clearly happy to hear it. 

“we’re happy when we’re with you too, kanata! that’s what i’m getting at.” the mood grew serious once again, “you aren’t a god to us. to ryuseitai, to your other friends, you’re just another yumenosaki student like us.”

chiaki continued, “when i asked what makes us so different, you said you were raised as a monster, right? but i promise you, your upbringing, no matter how much it’s affected how you see yourself, has no bearing on the way _we_ see you. you’re not a monster to us, you never have been.”

“if you were to ask me what kind of person shinkai kanata is, i’d tell them you’re a hero, a precious member of our ryuseitai family. whimsical in the best of ways because it’s you. talented, but always willing to lend a helping hand if needed. that is how _we_ see you, kanata. you’re one of us, someone we could never afford to lose in our lives.”

kanata’s could only stare at chiaki, hands beginning to tremble again for an entirely different reason this time. chiaki seemed to sense this too, grinning brightly at him. 

“you get it too now, don’t you? you’re just as human as me, as the kids, as hakaze. even mikejima-san too. the land is your home, it always has been!”

ryusei red shuffled closer before pulling kanata into a tight embrace, 3 years worth of emotions spilling over into it. kanata didn’t miss how strong the chiaki’s grip on the back of his shirt was, or how easily he let the blue haired boy’s face nestle into the crook of his shoulder. 

“i love you, kanata.” he whispered in his ear, “even if you don’t see it, or understand _why_ , you are able to be loved. we’ll spend however long it takes to convince you if we need to, because your home is _here_ , with the people who love you as you are. that’s what we promised together, didn’t we? i’m not going to break that ever.”

a home is where the heart is...he’d heard that from somewhere, hadn’t he? 

as he tried not to let his tears spill over onto chiaki’s shoulder, those words began to resonate with him properly for the first time. 

he isn’t sure how long they stayed like that for. chiaki’s embrace was so warm, full of the love he hadn’t properly known for so much of his lifetime. staying like this didn't sound so bad.

“chiaki.” he let himself be pushed back, being greeted with chiaki’s smiling face, “are the ‘children’ okay?” he had to ask, the thought worming his way through his mind as he replayed their terrified expressions. 

chiaki’s smile remained, though it became softer, more careful, “they’re okay. a little shaken up, but knowing you’re okay is all they want. plus, you know them. our kids are strong, aren’t they?”

“they are. they ‘take’ after you.” 

“they take after _both_ us.” he grinned, bashfulness shining through, “they’re the kids we raised together so lovingly, after all.” kanata couldn’t deny that. even if there was only a 2 year age gap between them and the kids, he often felt protective over them. that was how a parent was supposed to feel about their child, right? the feeling was foreign to him, yet he’d readily accepted these kids, chiaki too, as the ones he wanted to protect the most.

“they should all be downstairs, if you’re ready.” 

he nodded, “mm. i’d ‘like’ to see them. it feels rather ‘lonely’ just ‘talking’ with the two of us.”

chiaki chuckled at that, grabbing one of kanata’s hands in his in the process, “you’re right! let’s go and join them then, shall we?” he stood up from his bed, kanata joining him. they’d almost made it out of the ryuseitai leader’s room before ryusei blue paused. this didn’t go unnoticed by chiaki, stopping in his own tracks. 

“chiaki?” his smile was so soft, so patient, “i ‘love’ you too. i ‘forgot’ to say before.” 

the brunette squeezed his hand in response, “i know that, kanata. everything you do is full of the love you have for me, for us all.” 

he took a step forward. as did chiaki. they began their descent downstairs, kanata’s chest feeling a lot lighter than it did when he first walked up his stairs that day. the water lodged in his lungs had dissipated, leaving his chest just as clear as any other human being - that thought alone felt comforting for the first time in his life.

as they stepped into chiaki’s living room, the TV immediately becoming audible to the two of them. it was a hero show they’d binge-watched a little while back as a group, though kanata couldn’t say he recognised this episode. 

the kids were cuddled up on the sofa together, seemingly engaged in some sort of argument about the show.

“-but the hero’s a little stupid, isn’t he? ‘s not like he’ll be winning any trophies for smartness any time soon.”

“...intelligence, tetora-kun. the word is intelligence, de gozaru.” 

“he’s right though. the hero hasn’t realised the enemy’s been beside him _all_ /this time. that’s pretty stupid.” midori nodded along to what his unitmates were saying, “i wouldn’t be that sort of hero…”

“what would you do then, midori-kun?”

“i’d simply take them down in one shot. if that didn't work, then i’d go home. it’s no longer my problem.”

chiaki rounded the two of them in front of the sofa, making their presence known to the kids - their conversation stopped immediately, chiaki ceasing this as the opportunity to speak up.

“you kids seem like you’re having fun!” he laughed, grinning at them all, “we truly raised them right, didn’t we kanata?” 

kanata chuckled back, “we did. i am very ‘proud’ of you all.” his words clearly meant something to them, the kids expressions all softening into gentle smiles. they all seemed aware that the third years had spoken upstairs about the situation and for now, it was something that could be buried for a little bit - that was until either of them wanted to open up about it, anyway.

“you guys should join us! we’re on...episode 56!” tetora gleamed, shuffling over to create more space for their senpais, “taichou said we could stay here tonight so we were gonna binge this, if that’s alright?”

kanata glanced at chiaki, immediately noting the tears in his eyes. “nagumo...i don’t think you understand how like a proud father i feel right now.” his gaze met kanata’s, “is it okay for me to feel this happy, kanata? i seriously think i might cry.”

“you are ‘crying’ already chiaki. that is okay though, it’s ‘quite’ sweet.” chiaki accepted this as an acceptable answer, immediately launching at tetora and enveloping him in a tight hug. tetora’s wails were drowned out by chiaki’s cheers, loudly praising ryusei black as a true sentai lover. even as tetora shouted at him to let go, that he couldn’t breathe, chiaki’s excitement was too through the roof to acknowledge it.

“shinkai-dono?” shinobu waved him over, “midori-kun and i moved over if you want to sit between us de gozaru?” midori was looking intently at him too. he was never one to say no to their precious children, offering up a “thank you” as he joined to sit between them. 

chiaki’s sofa was as comfortable as he remembered. all of the times the two of them sat watching hero sentai shows and kids’ movies that he’d never heard of before. the nights he’d been welcomed to join ryusei red and his parents in their living room, listening to them banter for hours together. now he was here, squished between midori and shinobu’s warm frames, whilst tetora remained in chiaki’s tight grip on ryusei yellow’s other side. 

“...it’s nice to have you both back, senpai.” midori chirped. perhaps he was referring to their return to the living room, or maybe some sort of return to the normalcy they’d displaced that day. kanata wasn’t so sure. what he was sure of was that he agreed, allowing midori to nestle into his side - ryusei green was surprisingly clingy at times. 

“it is ‘nice’ to be back. did we ‘miss’ much?” the two first years shook their heads, eliciting a smile from kanata.

“will you be staying over at taichou-dono’s with us tonight?” shinobu asked from his other side. he looked over at chiaki, still engulfing tetora in a tight hug. he doubted ryusei red would be okay letting him leave any time soon. he didn’t _want_ to leave. it’d be something he’d have to deal with the consequences of tomorrow, but for now kanata chose to ignore it. 

“i ‘shall.’” he hummed. shinobu’s visible eye lit up at that, kanata feeling a lot lighter himself as a result. if he had to chose between the place he called his house and the people he’d finally had the courage to call his _home_ , the option was obvious afterall. 

from above them, kanata felt a blanket suddenly placed on their laps, big enough to cover their entire group. he looked up quizzically, meeting chiaki’s bright gaze in return. he’d released tetora at some point, choosing instead to dash off and find something to engulf his beloved unitmates in warmth. 

the kids sang their praises for him, litany of “thank you taichou” spilling from their mouths. they all looked so happy, so snug underneath the blanket. 

“it’s nice, isn’t it? when i was your age, i used to cuddle with my parents underneath this blanket!” chiaki grinned, seating himself back between shinobu and tetora.

“you’re only 2 years older than us, morisawa-senpai.” midori spoke deadpan, before his expression shifted back into a soft smile, “it’s…comfy though.” kanata agreed, feeling the plushness of the blanket in his hands. 

“it is!” ryusei black clapped his hands together, “now /shhh!/ the hero’s about to go up against his childhood friend turned enemy!” tetora was already leaning forward on the couch, eyes practically sparkling as he stared at the television. it was an expression that mirrored chiaki’s a lot more than he’d want to hear, but kanata couldn’t help but think back to what chiaki had said before.

[they take after you.]

kanata looked back at shinobu and midori sat beside him, the both of them cuddled up wordlessly in his touch. noticing his gaze on him, midori glanced up at kanata, offering up a genuine smile as he let ryusei blue wrap an arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer. shinobu’s response was similar, smiling wide at kanata before giving him a few light pats on the arm. 

**[they take after _both_ us.]**

he let himself sink further into the couch, content smile making its way onto his face.

a lot had happened that day, a lot that he knew they’d have to discuss at a later date as a group. at this current moment though, all that was going through his mind was that he was here with the people he had learned to call _his_ family. even if the idea of being loved felt foreign to him, it was what the 4 boys sat on this very couch regarded him with. 

for now, that was all kanata needed to think about.

**Author's Note:**

> title loosely from 'deep sea girl' by yuuyu-P


End file.
